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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22410682">The Vow</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/esmehoe/pseuds/esmehoe'>esmehoe</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Beautiful Golden Fools, Character Death, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-01-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-01-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 14:02:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,222</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22410682</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/esmehoe/pseuds/esmehoe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Cersei and Jaime reflect on their daughter.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Cersei Lannister/Jaime Lannister, Myrcella Baratheon &amp; Cersei Lannister</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Vow</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">They lay there next to one another, unmoving, silence taking over save for the sounds of the wind blowing lightly and the occasional murmur from the people down below the balcony. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It was a warm night, the blankets lay over their legs that were uncharacteristically kept to themselves. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Neither of them wished to speak, there was an odd sense of peace in the silence. As though, if they spoke of what was keeping them silent it would make it all come true. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Neither of them had ever fancied silence. They’d constantly been surrounded by noise their entire lives. Silence was profound and heavy. Silence was the black hole that threatened them each time they faced their beautifully tragic reality. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Two.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jaime turned his head from where he was staring at the canopy to eye the woman laying next to him. “Hm?” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Two. Two of them are gone. Two of our children are dead, because we couldn’t protect them.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He looked at her for a moment, letting her words settle over him. “It’s not your fault. You couldn’t have known Cersei.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She shook her head as she rolled away from him. “But I did. I knew yet I was too naive to believe it. I was told years ago that this would happen and yet I ignored it until it was too late and now two of them are dead because my godforsaken naivety didn’t let me keep them safe.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He could see her wiping away her tears, the slight shake of her shoulders giving her away as she curved in on herself. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He couldn’t help the anger that rose within his chest. He refused to believe that some deranged woman in the woods knew more about their children than they did. “None of that was true. Those words were just words Cersei. Words of a crazy woman who lived alone and enjoyed scaring children.” </span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">Cersei whipped around to face him. “But she was right wasn’t she? If they were <em>just words</em></span> <span class="s1">as you say then where are they Jaime? Where are our children? Why aren’t they here sleeping in their beds? Why won’t I ever see their faces or hear their voices or hold my children ever again?” She was yelling at this point, her legs had led her out of the bed and towards the window of the balcony on their own volition. </span></p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“If they were <em>just words </em></span><span class="s1">then why are Joffrey and Myrcella buried in the ground to rot until they’re nothing but bone? Why have I already begun to mourn Tommen because my time with him is only temporary? Why am I forced to count down the days I have left with my last living child? Why Jaime? Because of some feckless words </span> <span class="s2">a crazy woman </span> <span class="s1">spoke in the woods?” </span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She was panting and crying and clutching onto herself as Jaime tried to process her words from where he sat up in bed.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jaime spoke carefully as he cautiously walked towards the shaking shell of the woman he loved. “Tommen will not die.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Cersei scoffed as another tear fell, she didn’t bother to wipe that one. “Everybody dies Jaime.” She spoke quietly as he came to unwrap her arms from where they were scratching at her stomach. He quickly wrapped them around his neck before she could protest. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We will not let him die.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Cersei shook her head as she latched onto Jaime, she kept her eyes shut and clenched her hands into fists. She hated the way her body felt so weak, she hated the childlike whimpers that came out from her throat. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“We can’t stop it, he- he’s going to die, our last boy will leave us just like the others. I- I can’t <em>do </em>this again Jaime, I can’t.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jaime stepped back to hold her face between his hands, the gold cooling her flushed cheek. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You won’t,” He promised. “Cersei look at me,” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She was staring stubbornly at her feet, shaking her head that was held within his grasp. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Cersei please, just look at me.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She breathed in and out before looking up at the man who looked just as broken as she felt. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“She was our daughter, she still is and she always will be. She lived happily, in a big warm castle with people who made her fancy dresses that she loved to twirl in and made her laugh. She was kind and brave and every bit as beautiful as her mother. Gods I wish you got to see her one last time, she looked so much like you Cersei.” </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She nodded her head with a sad smile as she urged him to continue.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“She was our sweet little girl who loved swimming in the ocean and eating one too many raspberry tartes, and she had zerointerest in <em>anything</em> to do with riding or swords, <em>much </em>to her mothers dismay,”</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Cersei allowed herself a small laugh as the memories of her daughter flowed through her head. </span>
</p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">“She was intelligent and gentle and she loved her family <em>so much</em></span><span class="s1">. She was so excited to see you again. She didn’t blame you for being sent to Dorne, she loved it there and she loved that boy. Our little princess was in love and she was </span> <span class="s2">happy. </span> <span class="s1">Her time was cut far too short but at least she spent her time well, right?” </span></p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Cersei nodded again quickly as she attempted to suppress the new wave of tears that threatened to fall. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Jaime knew that his speech wasn’t entirely true. Cersei knew it as well. Myrcella was a privileged child, no one could deny that; she was rich and beautiful and loved. But she was also silenced and sold off without knowing the truth that her mother didn’t approve of such things. She was forced to live with the thought that her mother approved of her being shipped off to a strange land to marry a strange boy. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The prospect of Myrcella believing her mother would subject her to the same horrors she endured ate away at Cersei. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">When Cersei received the letter from Jaime explaining how he’d be returning their little girl safe and sound, Cersei felt a light return to her flame. Her thoughts were filled with nothing but her daughter for weeks as she awaited her arrival. Not the new queen or her trial, not even her walk of atonement that tried so hard to creep into her thoughts. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And then all her hopes of seeing her daughters face and apologizing for ever letting her go were shattered. The moment she saw the casket that lay so profanely in the small boat, she heard her dreams of reuniting crack.</span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">And now, as Jaime held her and rocked her as she did with their children when they couldn’t fall asleep, she could still hear the cracking that hadn’t ceased since that day. But as she pulled Jaime closer and held on tighter, bit by bit she could feel his warmth mending her wounds. And it was then and there as she gazed up at the man that had given her, her three lost children, she decided that she would never let anyone crack her ever again. Not the High Sparrow or Tyrion or even Jaime. </span>
</p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She made a vow to herself in that moment; no one would see Cersei of house Lannister crack ever again.</span>
</p>
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